Gun Control – Everyone should have guns. Let’s allow guns everywhere like schools, churches, supermarkets. Let’s pass open carry laws so I can carry my AK47 around when I go out.
Healthcare – We don’t like Obama, so we’re going to deny millions of our constituents healthcare through expanded Medicare benefits under the ACA. We will replace the ACA with junk healthcare policies with limited coverage and high deductibles. We’re also going to take away prenatal healthcare for women by defunding Planned Parenthood. Then we’re going to pass laws that allow us to control women’s rights regarding abortion.
Immigration – We’re all for immigration as long as they are college educated white people. We’re open to taking people from Norway. Everyone else has to show that they have their own healthcare and have a four year degree. If not, we’re going to take your children, deport you, then lose track of everyone.
Environment – We hate regulations! Fracking companies should not have to spend money to monitor methane leaks. Coal companies should be able to dump their coal ash into the rivers. Power plants should not have to reduce their carbon releases. Dirty air, land, and water is the price you have to pay to keep the fossil fuel companies happy.
Climate Change – What a hoax. Where’s the evidence? I watch Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson and they say it isn’t true. I believe them over the science.
Green Energy – That’s a stupid idea. We should be promoting 1950s technology like coal and oil. That’s where the money is.
Foreign Policy – America first. Who cares what the rest of the world is doing. That’s not our problem.
Politics – We’re going to elect dimwitted politicians to promote our crazy policies. People like Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, Mark Meadows, Lindsey Graham, Matt Gaetz, Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Rand Paul, Mike Pence, and Donald Trump.
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